Gone But Not Forgotten

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings like Eagles
They shall run and not be weary
They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

This passage always will bring me back to a day in history.  First I will remember July 26, 1993.  When I typed that just now I thought I must have typed the dates wrong.  Because it feels like just yesterday and yet clearly it was 20 years ago.  Memories flood in so quickly my eyes immediately well with tears.  A weight seems to land on my chest and my heart reminds me that a piece of it is missing.

20 years ago today my friend, my best friend, Jon Groothuysen passed away.  All too young.  He was riding his dirt bike with his brother.  They were racing home to tell their Mom goodbye before she left for work.  As they came over an approach a truck ran the stop sign and struck Jon's bike.  He was thrown into a nearby field.  He was rushed to the hospital and could not be stabilized enough for air transport.  That day his mom was the one to say goodbye.

I remember some details about that day.  Like talking to my friend on the phone and giggling about how I had finally agreed to say yes to Jon asking me out.  You see the Sunday prior he passed a message to my friend Lena, asking if I would be his girlfriend.  And I was supposed to tell her the answer.  Lena and I had already talked on the phone once that afternoon.  So when I called her back the second time something sounded different in her voice.  Her voice was lost, disoriented.  Almost like the sounds coming from her mouth had somehow bypassed her heart.  I let her go and was preparing to head outside to go for a ride, when the phone rang again.  It was Lena and she was calling to tell me that there had been an accident.  That Jon had been hit by a truck and he was in the hospital.  So many things flash through your mind in an instant.  Like your brain fires all nerves at once and your thoughts rush your brain.  And your heart tries to break free from your chest, and your air escapes your lungs and your stomach drops first to the floor and then tries to exit via your mouth.  I remember thinking well Lena has this all wrong.  It was Jarl that was hit by the truck.  Not Jon.  He was the one.  Why can't Lena get it right.  Oh Lord please let Lena be wrong.  Our love story was just starting.  Who would drive me to the hospital to sit with him?  How bad could it be?  Oh please just let him live.

Some of the details following that are foggy now.  I am not sure if it because of the time that has passed.  Or the fact that I was trying so very hard for it not to be really happening.  Perhaps it is a combination.  I do recall that I got the news later that evening that he had slipped away.  To a better place they said.  I remember thinking that he didn't need to go anywhere better.  He was here with me.  And in an instant he was gone.  He would never know that I loved him.  That I was going to have answered yes.

As I am writing this, I cannot be certain that today marks the anniversary of his death.  It feels like it was.  I have never doubted it before today.  But as I sit here writing this I just cannot believe that his parents were able to hold his funeral just a few days later on July 29th.  This date will never be erased.  Because that date marked my thirteenth year.  But rather than the birthday party that Jon was supposed to be attending of mine, I was at his funeral.  This was not how the world was supposed to work.  Teen years are tough...you do not start them without your best friend.  I remember staring at his casket covered with roses and thinking...any minute now he is going to pop up and make a joke about it.  He was always a prankster.  But he didn't.  And when we processed past the casket I remember his Dad grabbing me so tightly and telling me that Jon loved me.  I am not certain whether it was his mom or his dad that pressed a card into my hand.  But that card had a picture of an eagle on it.  And the bible verse listed above.

As life goes on I look to the sky for an eagle.  When I see one it brings me comfort that his is there with me.  In his own little way.  Watching out for me.  Standing with me.  He may be gone from this world in a physical sense.  But his energy remains with us.

Jon, twenty years may have passed since I last held your hand or laughed at one of our many inside jokes but I have never forgotten the way your whole face smiled.  It is forever etched in my heart.  You may be gone - but never forgotten.

Much Love,
Lisa