Ego - Alive and Well

I am sitting here at my computer composing this blog post after a listless night with very little sleep. I was up late last night trying to find the perfect quote to close out a blog post - without success.  Even my husband (Saint that he is) took time away from his own work to help me search for the quote.  Little did he know that any quote he would've found would not have worked.  It would have been discarded like the many that I read and tossed aside.  This has nothing to do with the quality of his quote or his ability to find one.  It has to do with me.  Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.  Are you getting the picture of how yesterday was?

The night before was restless as well - filled with odd alien dreams that left me feeling off balance when I first woke up.  It improved with breakfast and then took a downward turn when I sat in the glorious sunshine on the patio to complete some work.  I went to use something that contained an error that I was not capable of correcting on my own.  Frustration boiled over and negativity spewed out of my mouth and mind much like lava from an angry volcano.

This simple mistake could have been corrected with a quick phone call but I was not actually seeking a solution.  I wanted to play victim.  Poor inconvenienced Lisa.  Can't do the one simple thing she wanted to do.  I built it up to be this HUGE offensive thing in my mind. Allow me to tell you that what I was working on was minor , did not need to happen right in that moment, still is not complete....and the WORLD DID NOT END!!!! But yesterday it seemed it might.

My ego was holding the reins and my mood was plummeting fast - much like a runaway wagon with horses racing and reins dragging in the dust - there seemed to be no stopping it.

Typically with me I am able to control how I feel and put a stop to this nonsense. Yesterday was no different except I had no little interest in stopping it.  I was having a pity party and enjoying every minute of it.

This dark mood lasted most of the day.  When it showed signs of lifting later in the afternoon I started to get bombarded with texts and emails from people who just wanted to dump all of their negative thoughts and emotions onto me.  I was like a toxic dumping ground.  This left me drained and feeling short with people.  My pity party was still in full swing because I was annoyed and irritated that people were actually seeking my advice.

Last night as I went to bed I reflected on the day.  What I learned from the day is that I got exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to be negative and surly and in return I attracted negative and surly.

Today is a new day.  And already it is bringing my much greater things than yesterday.  Despite having less than four hours sleep I have spent the last hour laughing at myself and truly appreciating the day.  I have had the pleasure of watching the sunrise and listened to the birds sing and I have been reminded that I control how I feel.

When you notice that your day has gotten entirely off track and the horses are racing and the reins are dragging in the dust - realize that you have the option of climbing down to get them.

For those of you who had the "pleasure" of dealing with me yesterday please accept my most heartfelt apologies if I were short with you in any fashion.  To my Dear Husband...you truly must be a Saint.

Lead Life Joyfully

Much Love,
Lisa