The Balancing Act

Life is truly our greatest teacher.  This past weekend I was taught a lesson on balance.  And if I may be really candid...it wasn't a very pleasant lesson in the moment.  However, now that I am on the other side of it...I can see the blessing in it.

I am participating in a group coaching program called "Loving Your 3P's" with Mai Vu .  I have been partnered with an amazing and loving woman named Karen.  And 99% of the time we are on the same wave length. This program involves a lot of deep and emotional work.  So there are a few times where we trigger one another.  Saturday was one of those times.

Karen is one of those women who focuses wholeheartedly on her family and personal relationships.  On Saturday she was sharing with me her struggles.  And as I was listening I was trying to get some items on my business to do list checked off.  Now I knew that Karen was trying to muster up some energy to gain some momentum for her business but that took a pause as she tended to her personal relationships.

Of course I handled this situation with grace and sensitivity....NOT!  Instead I asked her if she thought maybe she had created the drama in her personal relationships as a way of distracting her working on her business.  This of course did not meet a warm reception and ended with me telling her that I couldn't discuss it with her further because it left me wanting to rescue her.  It didn't matter to me that she wasn't a victim and didn't require rescuing.  All that mattered in that moment is how blind I thought that she was being. And how frustrated I was by how she had the audacity to turn me away.

It didn't occur to me until an hour later that Karen was triggering me in a major way.  I was upset that she had the nerve to put personal relationships before her business.  Here I am putting business in the forefront and personal relationships on the back burner.  Why can't she just see that my way was the right way?  My husband and daughter will wait until I get this whole business thing sorted out.....right?

What an ugly truth I had to face staring back at me in the mirror....I was doing it AGAIN!    Spending all of my time and energy on the business.  Expecting those that I love most in life to wait.  To just stay dormant until the magical day came that that business was running smoothly and I had time to lounge around and love them.  Because of course I have a crystal ball that predicts that this day will happen much before my baby is a teenager who would rather be locked in her room than snuggle with her Mom.

This was so incredibly painful to find myself here...AGAIN. Without noticing I had slipped back into the same old pattern.  Just like putting on those comfy runners that were miled out years ago.  Comfy and familiar but no longer enough to support you and keep you injury free.

So where did I go from here?  First I denied it.  This isn't right.  Everyone knows a new business takes extra care and attention during its first three years.  Like a newborn baby.  Ignore the fact that I spent my daughter's first years fully immersed in other businesses.  Don't remind me of that.  And certainly don't mention the fact that out of the five years I have been with my husband that I have found myself burnt out, wore out and disconnected from my higher self....THREE TIMES!  In five years!  Please, please, please -  do not draw attention to that fact because I do NOT want to look at that.  

The next thing I did was reach out. I contacted my coach and my BFF.  I was able to let out all of the feelings that seeing that had brought up for me.  Anger, shame, blame, guilt, frustration, exasperation...just to name a few.  Oh sure this wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.  I spent time in and out of my "dreaded judgy pants" .  I let myself marinate in this pool of emotions.  And then...I reached the place I am in now.

Evaluating where I really am.  Where am I finding myself?  And the answer to that is this:
I am in a legitimate building stage of my business.  And that means that it needs my focus and attention. But it does not need my undivided attention.

My marriage is strong...for now.  Chris and I have had many conversations about whether or not I am pulling my weight. And he always tells me as long as I remember that I have a daughter.

And Delly, she is closing in on being 4 years old.  She changes every minute.  And when I am glued to the computer and the phone....I am missing those changes.  Sure she still loves me.  But I am missing out.  And I can't get that time back.  None of us can.

This inventory shows plenty of growth opportunities...aka...room for improvement.

So here is the plan.
> Stricter business boundaries.  I can make it through a meal without emailing or writing the next big program.  It will be tough...but I can do it!
> Less time reading business related books. More time reading Children's Books.
> More play time.  Uninterrupted play.  The phone can ring and the emails can wait.
> More bubble baths.  That start with me soaking and end with Delly "styling" my hair.
> More Laughter, Love and Joy
> And more romantic date nights with my handsome Husband.  Any willing babysitters in the crowd?  LOL.

This plan will shift and adapt as our needs do.  And I will be honest...there will likely be days where I shift play time to work with a client.  And I may even work through dinner.  But I may also call it a snow angel day and cancel work just to hang out with Delly.  The important part is that I have gained awareness as to where I am in the cycle.  And I don't have to continue with it until I reach burnout.  Yay for growth! Instead I have armed myself with a plan.  And I have already begun to put said plan into motion.

Stay tuned for future blog posts to see how I have turned up my Joy level in both my personal relationships and my business.

If you can identify with the feeling of giving your career or business 110% til you reach burnout.  Or you know what it feels like to be out of balance and your personal relationships have hit the backburner.  Or your connection with your highest/wisest self is buried deep beneath a stack of ever growing to do lists....

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Until next time...Have a Day As Beautiful As You!

Much Love and Many Blessings,
Lisa





Picture borrowed from: http://fromsundaytomonday.org/category/seven-pillars-of-faith-and-work/

The Dreaded Judgy Pants

  Have you ever sat in judgement? That place where you comment on the choices someone else is making in their lives?  The whispers about how her ass looks in those pants.    The big smile and the quick hug "Oh Darling, Did you lose weight?  You are looking Fabulous!"  Even though in your mind you have catalogued their wardrobe as being out of season and clinging to the muffin top and having a little wear on the cuffs of her jacket?  She may have lost weight but she could really use a new hairstyle.

Or what about the time that you spend on the phone with a friend listening supportively only to get off the phone and roll your eyes and make a comment to your spouse - there is no WAY she is ready to move in with that Guy...what the fuck is she thinking?

Here is my confession.  I sometimes fall into this trap.  More frequently than I like to admit.  And this is hard for me to admit.  After all, I am a community creator and connector.  I work with women every single day!  I talk about how we need to band together, lift each other up and support one another.  And yet, here I am today writing about how I am guilty of tearing another woman down.  What is up with that?

I could sit here and pretend that I am never guilty of this hideous crime.  I could be righteous and self serving and suggest that I am above all of that.  And that would serve no one aside from my ego.  The truth is I know when I am at risk of falling into this trap.  I see the warning signs from miles away.  Here are a few of them:
1) I am running myself ragged on tight deadlines
2) I am fuelling my body with processed/packaged foods and the closest I get to a vegetable is the wimpy carrots and celery that limply accompanied my greasy double fried hot wings.
3) The water I am consuming has taken the form of coffee and red wine.
4)  My scale is flashing numbers that I am not loving....at least not in that order.
5)  My clothes feel tight, and frumpy.
and the most common denominator:
I am not feeling very loving towards myself.  I am busy bullying and pushing myself around. I certainly do not have enough love floating around that I could even consider extending to others.

When I am able to stop beating myself I become aware that I have put on my judgy pants.

What are my judgy pants?  They are these hideous burnt orange in color polyester/wool blend pants.  They are itchy and crackly. They are two inches two short and a size too small.  And when I find myself in them....it is really uncomfortable.  And to be caught wearing them is even worse.  Even writing about it now makes me feel uncomfortable.  Tightness grips my chest.  Anxiety runs rampant about how I will be judged for judging others.

Today I am throwing caution to the wind.  I am bravely going where I have not gone before.  I am admitting to sitting, standing and lounging in judgement.  And I invite you to join me.  There is sense of freedom in declaring that you are not perfect.  There is a sense of fun that comes with designing your judgy pants.  And last but not least there is a sense of awareness that comes with realizing when and how we sit in judgement of others.

So here is my call to action.  Look at where you are judgemental - of yourself and of others.  Envision what your judgy pants look like.  Admit it to yourself and... if you are feeling really brave post some of those ways in the comments below.  And when you find yourself wearing your judgy pants....ask yourself what you can do to refuel your love bank so there is more love to go around.

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Much Love and Many Blessings,

Lisa

Lead Life Joyfully!

Image provided by: http://blog.zerodean.com/2013/quotes/do-the-best-you-can-until-you-know-better