I Used To Be Bound But Now I Am Free....

I absolutely love how life comes together.  As I have mentioned in several posts I am taking part in a 30 Day Bravery Challenge.  I have been quite lax in completing the exercises because I was partaking in a slo pitch tournament and I was too impaired and distracted to be able to focus.  Not to mention that there was never a quiet moment to string two thoughts together.

So tonight I sat down to follow through on the exercises.  One of the challenges asked us to comprise a list of five things that we have overcame in our life.  We were to choose one and journal about how it is that we felt when we were in it and also how it felt when we rose above it.

I was able to come up with five challenges that I was able to overcome in a matter of seconds.  The hard part was to chose one to journal about.  In the end I chose the experience of when I was sexually assaulted by an authority figure.  I have mentioned it briefly in a previous blog post.  And the exact event details do not need to be discussed here.  The events that followed are the ones that needed to be overcome.

I am not certain if you can relate to my story.  This event happened in a small community.  In a community that was so close knit I was the new kid because I did not attend kindergarten in that school.  The event occurred in Junior High.  A young girl accusing a school principal of something of that nature rocked the community.  Everyone instantly had an opinion and very few opinions were forged on facts.  My life and the life of my family was turned upside down.  When I returned to school the day after the incident I was filled with trepidation.  I had hoped that no one had found out.  That life would somehow be normal.  Instead what I met was a bunch of angry junior high students who were not mature enough to form their own opinions.  They were only able to repeat the opinions of their parents.  These opinions were steeped in fear and an unwillingness to believe that a principal could ever do such a thing.  Rather than consider it being a possibility it was easier just to slander a young adolescent.  I went from being a tall, skinny, awkward tomboy to a slut and a liar.  Everyone felt it was their right and obligation to tell me that.  Even the teachers were cold and unwilling to step in and stop the running commentary.  The comments only gained more fuel as time went on and we inched closer to the trial date. At the end of the day the courts determined that I was indeed telling the truth.  This did nothing to repair my reputation.  Since I was still considered a leper in the community my parents thought it was best to allow me to complete high school in a different school district in an entirely different town.

It wasn't until I sat down to complete this exercise that I realized that I continued to be a victim of this situation for many, many years after it was over.  My confidence and belief in myself was bruised and battered.  I lived my life based on the opinions of others regardless if they were supported by facts.  I acted out and attempted to live up to whatever label society decided to place on me.  There were times that I didn't see fit to respect myself just because others wouldn't.  It took years for me to realize that I first need to respect myself and then others would in turn respect me.  The way I felt in that moment and in the years that followed is not anything that I would like to feel again.  I can however, say that as I reflect back on the place I was in then and I compare it to where I am now...I have certainly rose above that challenge from many years ago.  And realizing that I have rose above that feels fantastic.  And even though that experience was a painful one, I am grateful for it.  It has brought me to where I am today.  And today - I am Beautiful, Courageous, Strong, Loved, Loving, Lovable and Worthy.

I used to be bound...But now I am FREE!  Free To Be Me!

Tomorrow I will post an article that I submitted to a magazine.  As I reread the article that I wrote a few months ago I realize that it was this event inspired the article.

Do you have any challenging experiences that you have lived through?  I am sure you do.  We all do.  Spend some time reflecting on how you felt in the moment.  And then think of how you felt when you rose above the challenge.  Remember all of the strength and courage that you need to face the challenges in your life already lives within you.  You only need to give it permission to be set free.

I wish you a day as beautiful as you!

Much Love,

Lisa