Do you have all the answers?

Today I was thinking about a time a few years ago when I was working with my husband with some real estate investing.  We were providing a rent to own option to people who needed some time before they could qualify to own their own home.  I had all of the energy and enthusiasm to make this business be a successful venture.  I understood the ins and the outs of the business.  I believed in what it was that we were doing.  I truly felt we were offering a win/win solution.  It was a business I could put my name behind.  There was just one problem...I was afraid to talk to people.  All I wanted was for the phone to ring with someone interested...as long as it rang when Chris was home.  

Chris thought this to be hilarious.  He would talk to them with ease and laugh and joke with them.  Sometimes they were interested.  And sometimes they were not.  

When I would go to talk with them I would be so worried that they would ask me a question that I wouldn't have all the answers to.  Have you ever felt that way?  That you need to have all of the answers?  For all the situations in your life?  And the lives of your family?  And the lives of your friends?  Does it seem like it is an overwhelming amount of pressure?  

I know that when I was in that situation I felt trapped, inadequate, and fraudulent.  I would lose all sense of self confidence.  Had the roles been reversed and they were trying to convince me of something I would have hung up the phone. 

After a couple of weeks an amazing thing happened.  I gave myself permission to not have all of the answers.  Instead I would say, that is a good question, I don't have the answer.  Let me do some research and get back to you.  And if I was really frazzled, I would hang up the phone.  Take a moment to collect myself and call them back.  When they would answer, I would say "I'm sorry, I totally hung up on you." and I would carry on the conversation.  Never once did I have anyone upset with me.  They appreciated the honesty.  

I moved on from the real estate game however, I found myself repeating the cycle.  When I first started coaching people I wanted to be the one with all of the answers.  I would crush myself with the immense pressure to give all of the right advice and provide all of the answers.  My advice fell flat.  And more often than not it was given without anyone asking for it.  

There are times I still do that.  And I apologize to those that end up having to hear it.  Feel free to take what you need and disregard the rest.  The more I coach and the further I walk along my journey I give myself permission to be quiet.  To listen more.  To truly listen.  As I sit in the quiet I find that the answers that rise to the surface are clearer and of better quality.  By listening more, and talking less, I am becoming a better person, friend, wife and coach.  

Are you willing to give yourself permission to be quiet?  To not have all of the answers?  To just be authentically you?  Even just to try it for a moment, a minute or a month?

As I move forward it is my goal to ask better questions.  Those are the key to release the answers that life within us all.  So instead of fabricating the answers I will strive to create better questions.

The question is....what will you do?

Much Love,

Lisa