Sunday May 26th was our first game against the Rockers. I wish that I could clearly describe to you what the first game was actually like.
You see I had been in Montana the week leading up to the big game. We had traveled from Whitefish, MT to Calgary, AB the day before. On Sunday we piled into the car to drive the last leg of the journey home. Now I realize that it is not a far journey. It was simply a long one. I get excited when I am going to do something new. Some of you may call it anxiety or nervous energy. I like to call it excitement since it affects my body the same way.
During the car ride I tried to distract myself from pre game jitters by studying my route tree flash cards and reading a trashy fiction. I was even remotely successful. The closer it got to game time the more amped up that I got. I packed and repacked my bag. I was waiting in the car before my husband came to drive me to the field.
The closer we got the more I tried to block out the "what if" scenarios that were bombarding me. As we arrived at the field 30 min prior to game time I noticed that all of my team mates were already there and dressed. They were already on the field running routes and warming up. I fought the panic that I was late. That somehow I missed a memo about game time. For those of you who know me...I don't handle late with grace. I want to be on time. On time for me means 15 minutes early. If I show up at 8:00 when I am supposed to be there for 8:00 I still feel late. And in the event I am there after the scheduled time...well...we just won't talk about that.
Such was the case for the first game. At the final practice it was determined that we needed to be at the field 45 minutes early. I was not. I was only 30 minutes prior to kick off. This meant I was..GASP.....LATE. This was not a good start. In fact it was far from good. I scrambled to get my socks and cleats on and run out to the field. We were running our tree - you know the one I wrote flash cards for and studying them like a good little nerd - that I had been able to recite from memory. Well I promptly ran a four in rather than out towards the sideline. I was a mess. This jumble of nerves. Sounds were muffled. Everything sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher talking. All the other girls seemed to be in perfect flow of one another and I was this disconnected wreck.
In the blink of an eye the ref called for the captains and the game was ready to begin. Now I can't tell you which side of the coin we flipped. Whether Defense or Offense was on the field first. It is all a blur. What I can tell you is that I was terrible my first time on the field.
I couldn't tell you if they were "strong left" or "strong right". I forgot to drop when my number was called. It was all just a mess. I could feel the frustration from my team mates. Fun was not what we were having out there on the field. I was beginning to think that perhaps table tennis was more my sport.
By the end of the game the score was too high to count for the other team. We never even made it on the board. Final score...a mercy...50-0. For the other gals - the ones that played as a team. Who supported and encouraged each other.
I think it is safe to say that no one from the Predators left the field that day feeling like a winner.
Some days you relive moments in your head and you think, well I should have done that...or I should have done this...oh man why didn't I do that....Gah! I was the same way that night after football. My sleep was restless. I kept reliving every play. Thinking of what I could have done better.
When I crawled out of bed in the morning I realized all the tossing and turning did nothing to impact what had happened in a game that was already played. All I could do was go out and try my best during the next game.
The moral of this blog post is two fold. One you are never great at something you do the first time. You couldn't walk the first time you tried but you tried again anyway and you kept trying until you could walk. Apply that mindset to all that you do. And Two, no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worry can change the future. So direct your energy someplace else where it will actually be useful.
My challenge to you is to try something again for a second time. Something you weren't great at but you know would bring you joy if you could only just be kinder to yourself about how your first performance went. Let me know how it turns out.
Have a Day as Beautiful as you are and remember to Lead your Life Joyfully.
Much Love,
Lisa
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