Some day you herd butterflies...

Allow me to apologize upfront for this blog.  In order to read it you may need to slip into the mindset of a person who is trying to herd butterflies with only a Q-Tip and a Paper Clip.  Why? You ask.  Well that is what my thoughts are like.  All over the place.  Flitting here and there.  And the rational side of my brain is left holding a Q-Tip and a Paper Clip to organize them.  Good Luck with that.

Over the last three days I have been struggling with something.  I am trying to determine how much energy one should put into something that is no longer fun.  What is the pay off?  It was only in this very moment of typing this that I realized that I need to ask better questions.  The first question I should be asking myself is what is ultimate payoff for doing this even if it was still fun?  Since I am talking about football.  It is relatively easy to answer the question.  Best case scenario - I would make new friends. I would learn.  I would laugh.  I would get fitter, faster, stronger. I would grow as a person. Learn new insights on how team dynamics work.  I would have fun for four hours a week.  The way it stands currently is that:
1) I will learn that team sports brings out an ugly side of me
2) I will get some exercise
3) I will have some new friends
4) I will learn some things about football
5) I will grow as a person
6) I will have fun but not for the full four hours
7) I will learn new skills for coping with frustration

One thing that I need to sort out is what the lesson is.  Is the Universe trying to teach me to persevere through adversity?  Or is the Universe trying to teach me that time is valuable and you should do what you love and eliminate unnecessary stress?  Because depending on the choice I make I am choosing one lesson over another.

As it stands right now, I am going to play out the season.  For a variety of reasons.  One of which may be that I am bat shit crazy at times.  I do not like to quit.  And me quitting would mean one less person on the field on game day and that could make the difference between the game being played or forfeited.  And that isn't right to do to the other Ladies on the team.  They paid so they could play and have fun this season.  Also, I have the chance to practice my leadership skills.  One does not require a title to lead.  Who knows maybe I can also teach someone else some leadership principles.  Besides football provides me with great blog fodder.  As long as I am having some semblance of fun and I am able to see the lesson hidden amid the  drama then I will continue to play.  At least these are my thoughts in this moment.

Ask me again in ten minutes.  I may have changed my mind.  I keep asking myself: Am I deciding this from a place of faith? Or fear? Am I doing this because it is what I think is best for others?  Or is it what I truly want to do? Which choice best represents my values? Maybe I should consult a magic eight ball.  Or my pendulum.  Or flip a coin. Regardless soon I must get off the fence because it is hurting my ass and I am getting tired of running from one side to the other.

How is it that you make decisions about the use of your time? Are you currently struggling with a decision?  Perhaps we could help each other out.


Wishing you a day as Beautiful as you,

Much Love,

Lisa