Good Morning! Today I am writing on the topic. Authentic. This word keeps popping into my head. I am not certain why it is. But I can only think that it is because I have some room to grow in this area. And maybe, just maybe you will learn something too.I have heard plenty of people throw the word around. I have heard it used in so many different ways that I had to look up the meaning. Let me first share with you the last two ways I have heard this term used in my social circle.
1) Do you like my purse? It's Coach. It's authentic.
2) I had just told my friend that I don't think I could meet up with her because I am short on energy so it would be best if I stayed home. She thanked me for being authentic.
Now back to the definition. There are a few different definitions for authentic. However, there is one in particular that I like best. Authentic: True to one's own personality, spirit, character.
As I look at this definition I know that there was a reason that I was lead to write about this word. Do you ever struggle with being authentic? Do you ever let someone else's thoughts, ideals or opinions influence you? Do you ever dial it down a notch, laugh a little quieter, stifle a giggle, wear a different shirt, avoid a hair cut because of what someone else may think? Perhaps you even talk yourself out of taking a job because you are worried what someone else may think. Or maybe you chose your University major because of what your parent's wanted for you.
I know that I go through phases of my life where I allow myself to be influenced by others. Where I have been inauthentic. Inauthentic: Not authentic, not genuine.
These phases are directly connected to my level of self confidence and opinion of my self worth. If I am ever feeling uncertain, unsure of myself or abilities I find myself molding my actions to model what I am thinking others would want to see from me. This is a scary thing to admit. Yup, at times I am not genuine. Let me give you an example.
I have went to parties and social gatherings and only let the part of my personality show that I thought others would like. I tittered rather than a full out belly laugh. I tiptoed around subjects of politics, religion, school systems. I kept my opinions firmly in check and smiled and nodded even when I was screaming inside. It was like I left the true me locked in the trunk of the car. And for what purpose? So that people would like me? Lets review what I was setting myself up for. I faked who I was just so that these people who were vastly different from I would like me. Well guess what? Some of them did like me. So I had to face being fake every time I was around these people just so they would continue to like me. Exhausting. Thankfully I got over that. And not all of those people are in my social circle anymore. And that is perfectly okay with me.
Here is another example. And this one I hope my Daughter learns from me and doesn't learn it first hand. When I was in my early 20's I went to work in a field that was predominantly men. In fact it would be a big day if there were more than half a dozen females on the job site. Back in the day I was cutie. Not bragging. But I had legs that went on for miles. Long hair. Tall and lean. Big eyes. And a nice rack. And I was new at what I was doing in my field. You see I was a Health and Safety Field Coordinator in the land of the tar sand. And I was a little unsure of myself. (Not my looks - I knew I was bringing stuff to the table with them). But my brains. I had taken a course or two. Got good grades. But I was a farm kid for heaven's sake. Please someone tell me what a farmer knows about health and safety...it would make for a short book. LOL. There were two things I knew for sure thanks to my farming background:
1. I could tell you the wrong way to do something.
2. I could smell bullshit from a long ways away.
But when it came down to the details of health and safety in an entirely different industry with a lot at stake I was insecure. It didn't help that there were more men on the job site than there was in my entire high school and I was responsible for ensuring that they were working safe. It also didn't help that there was a teensy weensy little bit of an old boy's club that existed.
These guys would chew me up and spit me out all before first coffee. So I did what I thought that I should. I tried to adapt. And by adapt. I mean fit in. And I tried to fit in at all costs. I learned more colorful language than even my Dad knew. I laughed at their jokes (and they were far from funny). I played down my brains. I learned to swill back whiskey. I dressed to show off my ass-ets because that is what would keep their attention. I became the safety girl they kept around because I was pretty to look at. Thankfully I learned some actual industry knowledge along the way. Eventually I was on the jobsite because I was good at what I did. And I could hold my own against the men. And I knew the legislation well enough that I could stand up and fight if I needed to. Me being cute was just a bonus not the main attraction.
Those early years I was so far from authentic. I was miles away from being true to my own personality, spirit and character. And to look back on them can be a little painful. But I am also incredibly grateful for that experience. Because I have been a work in progress ever since then. I have learned the lesson about what can happen when you stray far from authentic. And with a little luck, my story will teach my Daughter this lesson without her having to go through it to such an extreme.
Even now I stray from authentic some. I don't write all that I want to for fear of what some may think. I don't always say what is on my mind. And some days I wear a shirt because someone thinks it is cute even when I don't. But each day is a journey. I am still a work in progress. As are you and everyone around us.
Help others stay true to themselves. If you see someone looking different...don't judge them. Applaud them for being unique. Let your words lift them up rather than strip them down. You don't want everyone to look like you. To be like you. If they were...you wouldn't shine as bright.
Leaving you with one last story. A proud Mom's brag moment. On Tuesday my little girl who is three went to her first dance class. She was wearing leggings and a t-shirt. All the other girls were dressed in pink leotards and tutu's. One girl pointed out to Delly that she wasn't wearing the same. Delly replied "So??? I'm different!" and skipped off into the class.
Dare To Be Different. Be True To You. Lead Life Joyfully!
Much Love,
Lisa
